Should I Leave Her Brother For Her

Hi Aunty Eya,

How are you and lovely family? I am a number one reader of your blog and would like to ask for a favour from your bloggers. I need your's and their advice too.

My fiance proposed in September, we had our traditional marriage in January and looking forward to our church wedding. He is a good man, we love ourselves and he is the kind of man I would love to have as a husband. I don't know how to put this so that readers don't see me as a bad woman but I will try. My fiance has a brother, an elder sister and two younger sisters who look up to him right now as their breadwinner.

They lost their mum while still very young and had to depend on their father's little salary as a teacher. Life was hard then like I was told, their father couldn't cope with the burden of paying all their fees all at once. At this point, my fiance's elder sister had to drop out of school for him to go, pending when he'll graduate and she'll start off again.

Right now, she is in school quite alright and my fiance is her sponsor since their father is retired now. He talks about how she helped him almost all the time and is ready to do anything for her. She is not a bad lady, I love her too but Aunty Eya, what she is putting me through is not funny. I don't enjoy staying around her anymore. I am in my final year right now, I try as much as possible to go spend some time with my fiance (with my parent's approval o) whenever I have a long holiday. When I visit, is always when she is around too and she makes sure I don't really enjoy my stay there. She has this cunning mischievous way of doing subtle things that one cannot even report to anyone because I won't be understood.

Things like: She makes sure every time I am cooking for us, she pops into the kitchen to see what is going on and asks for pieces of meat from sup that is still cooking. She will tell me she wants to snack with some meat to see if it's cooked, I let her have it sometimes the meat is not much and I may have to forfeit mine to enable her have more when food is being served. This is like a habit that happens every day for all the days I get to spend there.

Another thing is the way she keeps her washed underpants: We dry these things outside but she never does. It is either hung in the bathroom or on the bathroom door with her towel spread ontop of it to cover it. I hate to see this and her brother cannot afford to offend his saviour so he'll ask me why I can't be like him? or will get angry that me I don't know how to ignore things. I don't bother much because it's always short visits I make there but I am thinking, after my graduation and wedding, will I be able to ignore all of the time and cope?

Again, she is too pestering: Whenever she is leaving for school, my town is not very far away from theirs so she visits, and those visits are very uncomfortable for me. She wouldn't be content with what she has.., she'll try my shoes ( we wear the same size and I have bought her shoes twice). Pick out the ones she wants to borrow to go pose at school. Pick out dresses in my wardrobe that she likes and begs me to let her use even if for once. She never returns returns them after one wearing. They remain with her until I ask or till the end of that semester. I don't know how to say no. I don't want to make her angry to avoid her looking for other ways to pay me back when I visit. I can't tell my fiance that his elder sister borrows my ears, he may feel embarrassed.

Let me also add that when she visits and sees food in my kitchen (My parents are not always around). She eats in an annoying way. She can eat my pot of soup halfway and then ask if there is a little I can give her to take home to save her cooking the next meal...

What I hate most is she asking me to help her wash each time I visit. She is older than me I know but I am not used to this kind of lifestyle. I don't think Nigerian women wash for their sister-in-laws. I hate to wash her clothes but just smile and do it for the sake of my fiance whom I love so so much. What stops her from washing her things when I visit? Is she trying to stop me from visiting? I am worried that she may not really like me and may be looking for a way to create a scene so she can "give a dog a bad name and hang it."

These days I am thinking that if I'm not extremely careful, she may push me into a quarrel or fight with her, God forbid!She likes to rub it in all the time, the fact that she has no problem in life because with her brother, she is covered. She tries to say things to make me feel like she means a lot to him while I mean nothing? I don't get it. I am beginning to get tired of this whole thing. I may not even bother visiting again let her enjoy her almighty brother.

Aunty Eya, You and bloggers should please advise me on what to do. I am so inexperienced with these kinds of relationships.I need advice please.

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