Letters From An Alien By Sophelia Lee

KDU Student, Sophelia Lee has won 2nd place in the Flash Fiction Writing Competition! First place was Yolanda Robert, with her story "Blood and Bones". You can read it HERE. Yet to have a look at Sophelia's story, here it is :) Allothanaac! Uh. I mean. Greetings Earthlings! Oh I've always wanted to say that. It makes me feel incredibly superior. If you're wondering why I'm writing this in your skin-crawling language of (yuck) English, it is because this is an assignment in school to write a penpal letter in any language of your choice. I was unluckily late in class that faithful day, so I had the enormous pleasure of choosing between English, and yet another delightfully head churning language called Kwaaltoozaak, which is a stunningly mint green orb in the third galactic realm, not too close to where I am. Where I live, you'll never know of course. Well Kwaaltoozaak just happens to be the national language of spitting and choking. Yes, perfectly fine, nothing wrong with it. Just that in my culture, spitting and choking is the equivalent of highly offensive, vulgar language. If my nosy sibling ever laid a hand on this journal I'd be fried faster than Martian eggs on a Solar-steel Insta-cooker 9.0 flipped by my parents. There's nothing wrong with English of course, an alien like me sucks is too weak in linguistics. English requires a memory of the Quantagram 900, the latest computer to date. Here's why: Prepositions. Grammar. Words of Latin origin. French origin. Greek origin. What next? Manglish vocabs? Singlish vocabs? I do not know comprehend how humans do it. Their primeval forms must've stolen retained something my kind cannot. Hmm. However there is one such alien who can retain linguistics better than a 1000 language translator. That is none other than Seroni, otherwise known as Seroni the Sharp in our class of 30. She's constantly at the top of our class rankings with an I.Q of 10000, the highest in our school to date. She's in the top 100 of the galaxy's smartest. Her ambition is to be an ambassador of the United Galactical Alliance. On top of that, would you believe she can juggle all that study time with her love for Zorball? Her name stays gleaming in the L.E.D plaque hovering above the court. Oh yeah, she loves the color black, as you humans call it. It sure does bring out the exhilarating qualities in her ever-changing bioluminescent skin. Few people of her kind glow like she does though. Oh geez, where was I? Haha. Yeah so what, she's just a female alien. Big deal. Anyhor, I realize I haven't introduced my magnificent self. They call me Pfhor. Pfhor was the name of an ancient warrior who left for Earth with nothing but the tentacles on his body and a tank of jet fuel and never looked back. Noone knows whether he survived because all that was left of him 300 trillion years ago were one of his many tentacles. Some say he fought with a rival clan warrior for the only ship efficient enough to land safely on Earth. Others say his wife cut it off by sheer luck because of his leaving her for brighter prospects, of the reproducing kind. He had 50 kids by his wife and a few hundred more with a fresh young Kikoolzien. A model example of a Kikoolzien male in his prime. So far, I haven't lived up to his great lifelegacy of jetting off to Earth unaided or fertilizing every pretty young thing I've set eyes on, but hey, I have 100 years worth of time to catch up. At my ephemeral age of 100, I know I'll turn out alright. So it also won't matter that my secondary sexual characteristics- the glory of a full beard of tentacles is an inch shorter than most males my age. Or if the 12 of my 24 eyes need the external assistance of bifocals to see clearly. Not to mention the fact that my sting is no worse than my stealth, very dangerous if your clan exists on the traditions of constant physical challenges and endless sting fights. At least my mother's egg sac provided that I should have the innate ability to mock the jocks with my wits. Succeeding which, I would have to make a run for it on my motorized body with the highest pick-up speed of 2km per 8 seconds. Sometimes I get away safely. Sometimes I get cut off by their modified motors and get suffocated to galactic proportions. Well, everyone has to go through something along these lines in life isn't it? "High fives" to all of you who have with all my tentacles. Another round of "high fiving" if any of you have experienced siblings before. See, I'm the eldest child in the family, and sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming. Besides me, there's my younger brother, who was born with a brain in the family. Before you roll your eyes, keep in mind as an egg sac from the Hydrozoa (ugh I'll clarify- jellyfish) family, the chances are almost as slim as someone being diagnosed with progeria on Earth. Well, he's spent most his life scanned in and prodded at from various medical institutes, but noone can find out why that teeny purple brain has specially chosen to grow in him. The newsreels around town have christened him "The new age of evolution", since the last one happened before we came to be the Kikoolzians today. My brother's a big deal alright. He even talks with a snooty accent. Also, My parents haven't stopped gushing over their bundle of joy sent from the infinitesimal 3rd nebula, like he was the next best thing to Booleans, which by the way, is what our currency is called. All the constant fawning has given him a highly confident front to the point of immeasurable annoyance. Based on my personal research I think that brain has side effects to his personality though. I mean, who analyzes the term 'nitwit' any further than dumb? Anyway, I think I should finish here, Trelet is outside my cocoon calling me for Zorball. Peace out, earthlings!

Origin: art-of-kisses.blogspot.com