Was He Abusive

Hi all, just looking for opinions. I have recently been reading about abusive marriages, and I'm feeling unsure if my situation could be labeled as such or not. He doesn't fit the classic criteria (controlling, isolating me, etc), so I'll just rattle off this list of his behaviors and get opinions. His actions over the final two years of our 18-year marriage:1) He told me he didn't love me, then told me he did, then changed his mind and again told me he did not. Constant yes I do, not I don't. 2) He conducted a very intense EA with another woman, but wanted to be "honest" with me about it and not hide it. He felt this was the ethical, moral thing to do, rather than sneaking around. So he pretty much paraded the relationship in front of me, telling me how "intense" it was, how different she was from me, what great conversations they had, etc.3) He complained every time I hugged him. I was not doing it right, other people hugged ("melted with him") better than me, that he could feel my "barriers". Needless to say, hugging him became rather nightmarish.4) When I would initiate sex (which he said he wanted me to do more of), he would complain that I was acting "mechanical". He would demand "intense eye contact" during sex, which I tried to accommodate (albeit with some degree of discomfort), but when we were finished he'd say "That's not quite what I was looking for". Always a complaint, never a compliment or encouragement.5) He went on to have several PAs, after getting my permission. This after a year of being generally treated like crap by him, and finally giving in. I'd agree to anything at that point, just to get him to be nice to me again.6) Throughout the span of the marriage, he would have temper tantrums and blowups, raging around the house swearing. Never hit me or threw things, just yelled. Our daughter and I would retreat to the bedroom and avoid him.7) He complained constantly that I was not meeting his "needs". Not once did he ever ask me about mine.8) He complained about my basic personality - that I was too quiet, that I read too many books instead of feeling and experiencing life, that I didn't have a strong personality, that I was boring, that he wanted me to change. (Yes, he really did say these things to me).The effect on me:I was afraid of him - of his temper, of what he might say that would hurt my feelings.I became afraid of sex, and even hugging him, as I feared being criticized when done.A constant feeling of "walking on eggshells", that I had to be very careful in what I said and how I acted around him.Sleep disruptions, trouble eating due to upset stomach, crying jags.My greatest loves - reading and writing - withered and died. I had no energy for them while this was going on. A slow erosion of my self-esteem. Feeling very down on myself, depressed, unworthy, unlovable.BTW we are now seven months separated, so I did finally get out. Now working on rebuilding my life and my self-esteem. It's a work in progress. Almost feeling as if I have PTSD - some of the symptoms seem comparable.So I'm just looking for opinions/feedback. Was he emotionally and/or psychologically abusive, or was he just an "unskillful" guy, a bull in a china shop?Thanks all!

Origin: aisha-vip.blogspot.com