The Sacrifice Of A Military Wife

Our soldiers sacrifice a lot, in some cases their lives, to protect our freedoms. There are shows and articles out there that tell all about the nature of a soldier's job, and what they have to go through. They are put through physical and mental hell. They see and do things that screw with their psyches. They are at the mercy of the military, and the mission comes before anything. Leaving the ones you love for months and years and not knowing when and if you will ever see them again is intense.

This is not about them though. I'm here to give a little information to anyone considering entering a marriage to someone in the military. If you fall in love with someone in the military, the ONLY way you will be able to move when they move and live with them overseas (unless you can afford it yourself), is to get married. Without marriage, your love of this person means nothing in the eyes of the government. And, we are in America, so it's common when you love someone to get married to them. That's pretty much where your life and the civilian life part ways.

After marriage, you are a military wife. You will sacrifice a lot. If you love this person with all your heart and being, then it will hurt like hell when they have to leave. They WILL have to leave; be it for deployment or training. Many military marriages are measured by the number of years the marriage has endured and the number of years you've actually spent with the person. There is a chance you will get to communicate with your love when he is gone. There is no guarantee though, and the schedule will be sporadic at best. If you have kids with this person, they will go years without physically seeing their other parent. When they are gone, you are the mother, father, accountant, maid, alpha and omega of the household. If you want something done during that time, you will have to do it yourself.

There are support groups of other wives and people on base who will be there to help you if you choose to stay where your spouse is stationed. However, those groups are only available if you seek them out. I have yet to be contacted by the spouse of anyone in my husband's unit for support. If you choose to go/stay at your home state while they are gone, the support group will be your family, and hopefully theirs. No matter the support you have, it will be hard.

There will be days when it's overwhelming to have everything on your shoulders. The nights will be lonely, because the one you love is a million miles away. There is the sacrifice of peace of mind. You will not know exactly what they are doing; sometimes you may not even know exactly where they are. Are they ok? Are they faithful? That thought will cross your mind, no matter how much you trust them. Time apart does that.

If you decide to stay home and take care of your family without working, there is a good chance you will be broke frequently. When they are gone, they get extra pay. It's never enough to "make up" for their absence, but it helps with the bills. If they enter the military from basic training, the pay they get, even with you and the kids won't be much. As they increase in rank, the pay gets better, but there aren't any enlisted men that are rolling in the dough from their paychecks. If you are used to getting everything you want, and you choose this lifestyle, then you might want to stay in the work force.

This isn't a life for everyone. There are many wives who live through it for many years until retirement. There are also many who pull out of the marriage before then. Again, it's not easy. The medical benefits are great, and there is that opportunity to travel (maybe). And if you love this person with every bit of your heart, you won't really have a choice at all. Our hearts decide things for us sometimes. This is meant to be a sort of "heads up". You can watch the movies and shows about military wives until the cows come home, but until you live it, you will have no idea.

Kat Verner is currently in the middle of a divorce from her soldier. After 4.5 years of living the life of a military wife, it's time to move on. The divorce is not only from the soldier, but also from the institution he serves. Although the divorce is unrelated to the lifestyle of the military, she would like to share her views and experiences. Visit her blog at http://www.theinnerskinpicker.com/.

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